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Cosmic Alchemy + My Journal - Post Here

Filtering by Tag: transformation

From London to LA with love: London, stuck in a rut with you....

Ambi Sitham

Hello dear souls who find your way to my website and find yourself reading this blog.

Times they are a changing and I am finding myself called to share more about my journey of alchemy and deep transformation which started over a decade ago in January 2008.

In truth I think I am writing and sharing more for myself as a form of self-expression which I have stifled for a long time but I am now unable to ignore.

I hope too that sharing my journey may also help others on their paths of transformation.

As I recently celebrated six years of living in the city of angels I stumbled upon an old blog which I started mid 2012 and documents my move to Los Angeles.

The blog was entitled 'From London to LA with Love' and was inspired by the emails I sent to a select bunch of good friends during my initial three month sabbatical in Los Angeles in the summer of 2011.

And this is the 'bio' of sorts that I wrote to accompany the (now defunct) blog.

A true story in real time. A seemingly sane (yet clearly cuckoo, that's moi!) professional young woman from London who after a random dream, decided to move to LA, uprooting her entire life in the process.

This blog documents the ensuing journey I went on (am still on) emotionally, spiritually, romantically and professionally and the transition from living in London to my new life in La La land.

I felt inspired to share it all with you and wow is reading it again bringing back so many feels...

So here it is...

Part One: London, stuck in a rut with you....


January 2011

Life in London was good.

But the truth is that something was missing and it had been for a while.

On the surface I could tick so many of the boxes that people regularly have as their checklist for happiness. I was healthy and financially stable. I had a wonderful flat near to close friends and family whom I saw often. I had a packed and fun social life.

I hadn't yet found that special person but I was having a lot of fun interviewing... and I had total faith that Mr X and that happy ever after ending would come at the right point in my life.

Things were good. Apart from this underlying feeling that something was missing and a restlessness that I couldn't shake off with a fun date or new crush, weekend break or a new course.

And the truth is that I had been feeling slightly off since September 2009 - a mere six months after I had bought my flat.

At a time when I was living the life I had always thought I had wanted I couldn't stop the little voice inside that told me that I wasn't living the life I should be.

I tried to quieten it by looking harder around me for people or things to get passionate about.

But I couldn't find the solution anywhere. So I carried on maintaining the status quo whilst always looking out for whatever it may be that I was missing.

However I couldn't help but feel like a hamster on a wheel and the truth is that deep down inside I was pretty miserable.

And then everything came  to a head in January 2011.

Unlike many people who find January a depressing month I always found the new year an exciting time; the whole year ahead of you, so many adventures and dreams to be discovered - a time to be planting seeds for everything you wanted your year to be.

But this year was different. I felt apathetic and jaded - almost unheard of for me.

As I stood on the tube sweltering in my winter coat I looked at the man in front of me who had taken his coat off and wore a t-shirt on with writing on the back that said, 'Been there, seen it, done it'.

At this exact moment the Stereophonics song 'Stuck in a Rut' came on my ipod. 


Excuse the grainy picture....taken by my then blackberry, or crackberry as I used to like to call it! Remember those?!

Excuse the grainy picture....taken by my then blackberry, or crackberry as I used to like to call it! Remember those?!

As I stared at the words on the man's t-shirt and with the words of the song in my ears I felt my face flush as my eyes pricked with tears and before I knew it I was 'that girl'.

You know that girl you see with tears streaming down her face on the tube with her earphones in and you presume is crying over some guy.

Well that was me.

Apart from the fact that I was crying, and dare I say mourning, for myself.

Here are the lyrics of the Stereophonics song: -


You make do with your lot,
You got a choice to make,
You gotta follow your gut,
Your heads in a state,
You're stuck in a rut,
You're wasting days,
Time don't wait so..

Make your choice either go or stay
What you got in your heart is dying every day
You're scared to let go though your mind is made
Just pack your soul and don't stay

You're feeling down and low
You're dreaming of how it should feel,
Staying will set your soul on fire,
You're stuck in a rut and your life is forgotten.

It's only a house don't make it a home
Are you a man or a mouse?
You gotta walk it alone
It's time to let go, get on with the show
The clock is ticking

What you've got is long gone
Draw a line in the sand
Your poker face is shot
I can see through your hand
Stop lying to yourself
Gotta make new plans
Time don't wait for no man

You're feeling down and low
You're dreaming of how it should feel
Staying will set your soul on fire


As I got off the tube, trying to hide my face in shame from the sympathetic glances of onlookers, I resolved that somehow I would shake my life up.

My mind raced from all range of possibilities from moving out to the suburbs and getting a bigger place, to going to Thailand for a month's working holiday with a charity, to a yoga retreat in Ibiza.

I was soon home (the joys of living a stone's throw from the tube station) and I sat down with a cup of tea and stared out at the Anthony Gormley statue which stood firmly on top of the building opposite my apartment complex and was my constant companion.

Gormley’s dark figure is entitled  You  and some commentators have said that he gives the impression to onlookers of being squeezed into a tight urban surrounding, perhaps a comment on London life....

Gormley’s dark figure is entitled You and some commentators have said that he gives the impression to onlookers of being squeezed into a tight urban surrounding, perhaps a comment on London life....

And then my phone buzzed. With a message from a good friend.

Would I like to join him and a bunch of our lovely friends for a fun long weekend in LA for Oscars weekend?

My flights were taken care of and all I needed to bring was my wardrobe of choice and my party mojo...

For the first time in ages I felt quite excited. This trip clearly wasn't the solution to my lost soul but maybe a fun, glamorous weekend away with this gang would give my mojo a much needed boost.

Little did I know what that trip would spark.

But you know what they say about things happening when you least expect it...

Part two is coming next stay tuned if you'd like :)

December 2017: Looking backwards to move forward

Ambi Sitham



Hello lovely ones and welcome to December 2017!

The last month of 2017 is set to be an intense one with Mercury already in retrograde shadow and the official retrograde starting hours before the last Full Moon of 2017 which will be a Super Full Moon at that!

Mercury is retrograde in Sagittarius and Saturn is in his final stages of transiting Sagittarius as he will depart the Sagittarius zone of the zodiac on December 20th and move into Capricorn.

This Mercury retrograde will dominate the last month of the year as will the Sagittarius ruled part of each of our charts with the Sun shining brightly in Sagittarius for the first three weeks of the month.

The Saturn in Sagittarius transit started in December 2014 and apart from a few months in the summer of 2015 when Saturn retrograded back into Scorpio, Saturn has been putting each of us through the mill when it comes to the Sagittarius ruled parts of lives in our unique charts.

Use the chart calculator on this website to see which areas of life Sagittarius governs in your life to understand where this transit has played out for you in terms of life areas.

As a Sagittarius sun sign, with a total of four planets in Sagittarius, I can tell you that this transit has been extremely challenging, and not escaping the deep sorrow that Saturn often brings  (with my Dad passing away) but has also seen me mature and grow and create new strong foundations in my life.

I am grateful for the lessons and the blessings but also ready to wave Saturn goodbye for another 28 years!

Turning now to the title of this blog and the Soulstrology theme for December 2017.

It is no cosmic coincidence that Mercury is retrograde in Sagittarius during the final weeks of Saturn's transit of Sagittarius.

Mercury retrogrades as I think you all know by now, are a great opportunity to do all things RE. RE view, REconcile, RE think, RE consider, RE start, REunite and so on.

This particular Mercury retrograde is asking us to look back over the last year but also over the last few years of Saturn's transit and the personal challenges, delays, or fear we may have experienced (all of these are Saturn's shadow).

We are being asked by the cosmos to look backwards but only insofar as to learn and integrate the lessons so that we can truly move forwards.

As the quote in the image accompanying this blog wisely says, we learn from our mistakes or we go backwards in life.

Soulstrology says that if we keep repeating the same mistakes we cannot point the finger of blame at the cosmos, the moon and stars, we need to take responsibility and turn the finger around and point it at ourselves.

We are continually co-creating our existences with the cosmos so we need to do our bit to tap into the energies and blessings which are available.

Soulstrology reminds us that mistakes are powerful, valuable lessons and that we will always be making mistakes in life and this is part of the human existence.

However, we know we are growing when we stop making the same mistakes and start making new ones!

That's when we know we have shed old karma and have new opportunities for growth and new blessings to tap into.

Some people get sensitive or defensive around the idea of making a mistake and taking responsibility for it but this over sensitivity and defensiveness is usually just an ego reaction.

It's easier to adopt victim consciousness but it is more rewarding to adopt victor consciousness and alchemize our mistakes into mastery and miracles.

Whilst Saturn's tough love is often focused upon it is easy to forget that this is the planet that rewards hard work over time.

Saturn transits may test you, but they will also reward you!

When the cosmic taskmaster departs a zone of your chart it's as though he gives you a star based on your efforts.

In each of our lives this star equates to reaping what we have sown.

But the transit is not over yet and Mercury's retrograde can bring back past issues for final healing and closure so we can move forwards and receive our cosmic dues from Saturn.

Gold stars all around please!

Over the next month when many of us are in holiday mode and focusing on festivities and gifts, give yourself the gift of time and effort into reviewing your life over the last year and the Sagittarius ruled part of your life over the last three years.

It truly is the greatest gift you can give yourself so that you can move forwards to have the 2018 you desire...

Mantra of the month:

I practice patience with myself and others knowing any seeming delays or mistakes are in cosmic order and will unravel themselves for the highest good in divine timing

I look backwards with courage and faith knowing that by healing the past I can transform my future

I embrace my mistakes as MUST TAKES and willingly integrate the lessons trusting that doing so will create the space for me to receive

As always I will write detailed blogs for both the New and Full Moons.

Members can expect weekly cosmic updates and more detailed information for their zodiac sign for both the Full and New Moons.

In the meantime here are the key dates for your cosmic diary for December 2017.

December 1: Mars (in Libra) opposes Uranus (in Aries) - tense aspect, can lead to conflict and power struggles, positive outcome is sudden change manifesting

December 2: Jupiter (in Scorpio) trines Neptune (in Pisces) harmonious, romantic, creative, spiritual aspect

December 2: Venus moves into Sagittarius (will write Member's blog on this)

December 3: Mercury turns retrograde at 28 degrees Sagittarius

December 3: Full Moon Gemini (will write detailed blog on this and Members will get a guide for their zodiac sign)

December 6: Mercury (in Sagittarius) conjuncts Saturn (in Sagittarius) a heavy aspect for the mind. The past may come knocking. Information may come to light regarding challenges or tests from the past

December 10: Mercury (in Sagittarius) trines Uranus (in Aries) Unexpected communication or information. Positive aspect.

December 11: Mars moves into Scorpio (will write detailed blog for Members on this)

December 12: Sun (in Sagittarius) conjunct Mercury (in Sagittarius) a powerful aspect which may tell you what this Mercury retrograde represents for you

December 15: Mercury (in Sagittarius) conjuncts Venus (in Sagittarius) a powerful positive aspect for love and creativity

December 16: Sun (in Sagittarius) trines Uranus (in Aries) positive aspect

December 17: New Moon (PT) in Sagittarius (will write detailed blog on this)

December 20: Venus (in Sagittarius) trines Uranus (in Aries) positive aspect

December 21: Winter Solstice

December 21: Saturn moves into Capricorn

December 22: Sun (in Capricorn) conjuncts Saturn (in Capricorn) powerful aspect, can be very productive, can also feel heavy

December 23: Mercury stations direct at 13 degrees of Sagittarius (it's not over though! Now it's the post retrograde shadow!)

December 25: Venus moves into Capricorn (will write detailed blog on this for Members)

December 25: Venus (in Capricorn) conjuncts Saturn (in Capricorn) I predict LOTS of Christmas Day proposals in 2017 (more than usual!) as Venus governs love, Saturn governs commitment and status!

December 28: Mars (in Scorpio) trines Neptune (in Pisces) positive powerful aspect for creativity, romance/sex and spirituality

I am wishing you all a wonderful last month of 2017.

May we all have the courage to look backwards and heal and clear so we can finally move forward.


Ambi x